I was on the phone with my good mate Dave a few days ago, and we had one of those conversations that left us both wondering why we hadn’t hit record and shared it on YouTube. That is to say, it was profound. After stepping out of the last few weeks of tumbling realisations about friends and who really ‘gets’ this stuff, I was feeling particularly grateful to be on a call again with Dave. Mostly because he lives and breathes this stuff. And, probably because we have this in common, we get along like a house on fire.
We were talking about the challenge in shining so brightly that others shy away from you, and how difficult it can be on our relationships, including our friendships with others. I’d had a strong sense of this just recently when the last guy I was intimately involved with told me I was “too intense”. And then again over the Easter Weekend when I’d tried to express how I was feeling. Let’s just say it was challenging enough that I wrote this Facebook Post.
Together Dave and I realised that we were “too intense” for many other people because we were trying to bring them with us.
As we felt into what it would look like to just shine our own fucking bright light without needing anyone to join us, I got a beautiful visual I shared with Dave. It was so inspired by what I saw I wished I’d had a canvas as I would have attempted to paint it. But since I didn’t, and still don’t, please paint a picture in your own mind as you read on.
“Imagine that you and I are like a fire. Perhaps a campfire, that we keep adding fuel to, having our own fun and playing in our own space, our own way. Over time we’ve grown to the size of a bonfire. We give off a lot of heat and a lot of light, and it’s too intense for some people so they just back away. In the past we’ve feared to lose these people and so we’ve tried, through our words and actions, to drag them back to us, to the fire. But they don’t want to be there; it’s too hot and too bright for them.
But, if we go back to playing in our own light, adding fuel to our own fire and being OK with having periods alone, then other people will be attracted to the light, and come towards us. I see them lean in, with a candle, egging the wick to catch alight, so they can take the light and heat of the flame onwards and create their own campfire.”
In my mind’s eye I was seeing a roaring fire I knew to be me, with several people gathered around, with bare candles, leaning in. And as I zoomed out I saw that the fire burning as Me, was one of many, in a field of other self contained campfires and bonfires. And I felt the bond between those fires, as I feel between my mate Dave and I, and with the many other friends I have who are willing to bravely burn, and share their bright with the world…
So darling, how’s your fire burning?